I know I’m very late with this, but it’s been a tiring week for me. I wanted to take my time and gather my thoughts properly, but it appears that it’s not any easier today. Unless you came to my blog by accident, you must have heard the news. Sayumi Michishige is to graduate from Morning Musume and Hello! Project come the autumn tour 2014.
My number one idol of all time is graduating.
My feelings are completely different from anything I have ever experienced before. It’s not just any graduation, it’s not just an idol I like, it’s Sayumin.
How should I describe my initial reaction? A shock that I had been expecting, a shock that I was well prepared for. Does that sound weird? I had just come into work, and I lost my ability to work for a while after reading the announcement. If I had been at home, I might have cried. And indeed, I did cry a little in the evening. Why did I cry? That’s how the group works, so it’s not like I’m complaining. It just feels… lonely. Sudden. Why sudden? I mean it’s much later than I expected. Ever since discovering the group in early 2007, I’ve been watching the girls graduate one after another. Koharu, Eririn, Junjun, Linlin, Aichan, Risa, Aika, Reina… and finally, after so many years, Sayumin. The time has come now, and it is sudden. As odd as it might sound, I feel sort of relieved now. Can you understand that? I’m relieved that it’s no longer any day now. The inevitable has happened. As you can see, I’m still a little confused. I’m confused and I feel like crying again, and at the same time, I’m incredibly happy be witnessing this beautiful journey to come to its end.
I’ve always been a proud Sayu fan, even at times when I had to defend my right to love her. Don’t you think she’s mean? or You’re probably a guy then?… I heard these questions… no, statements, so many times I lost count. That’s exactly why I started this blog in the first place, I felt the need to put my love for Sayu into words and make it longer than 140 characters. I love literally everything about Sayu and I always have, I’m not exaggerating one bit. You can read my first post by clicking the SAYUMI MICHISHIGE tab at the top of this page, my reasons to love Sayumin haven’t changed, although they might have increased in number. The group has changed quite a bit since 2010. These days though, most Hello! Project fans do seem to respect Sayu and look up to her. If nothing else, they say she’s beautiful or a good leader who always tries her best. That makes me very happy.
I’ve been a proud fan, but not I’m not proud of myself as a fan. I feel insufficient now as well, because no words of mine can do justice to Sayu. I can’t imagine another fan admiring Sayu more than I do, you’d literally faint if you did, but I still don’t dare to call myself a wota. I regret to say, I haven’t done much for her or for other fans. To be honest, I’m even afraid to have direct contact with Sayu, in fear of messing it up and regretting it for the rest of my life. But I have felt so much. Not one day goes by without me thinking about her. I listen to her sing and I watch her perform. I read her blog and I listen to her radio show. I look at her pictures and I watch her on every screen I own. And the reason is very simple.
Just the thought of Sayumi Michishige makes me happy. That’s why I’m smiling today too. :)
I’m smiling, but when I think of Sayu’s graduation day, I see tears rolling down the cheeks of her kouhais and fans. I won’t lie, it will hurt to see Morning Musume without Sayu. It will be diffcult and painful, and C-ute will probably become my favourite group instead. But just like Sayu herself, I have faith in Fukuchan, Eripon, Rihoriho, Zukki, Harunan, Daaishi, Maachan, Duu and Sakura-chan. They are a brilliant mix of girls whose personalities and skills complement each other perfectly. They are talented, hard-working, hilarious and adorable. I love the group now just as much as I did last decade, if not more. There won’t be anyone who can replace Sayu for me, but there’s absolutely no reason for me to resign as a Morning Musume fan.
There’s still time to enjoy Morning Musume ’14 with Sayu as the leader, but even after the graduation, the songs and the videos and the pictures won’t disappear anywhere! I will always have something to return to, even from the first four years that I missed. And there are things to look forward to!
More so than crying, I feel like congratulating Sayu from the bottom of my heart. I want to thank her for bringing so much joy to my life. Such cute and passionate joy.